Donald Trump takes the lead for the best Christmas Cracker joke of 2018.
People were asked to write their own, modern jokes for a competition by the TV channel Gold. Over 2,000 members of the public were then asked to vote for their favourite joke.
The main subject of these jokes was Donald Trump, Brexit, and Love Island. The winning joke was of course, like the center of most comedy now, Donald Trump. The joke was written by Michael Hughes who received €1,659 towards a prize plus a box of bespoke Gold Christmas crackers. Here it is:
The wisecrack, penned by Michael Hughes, reads: “What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off.”
The other jokes also included Theresa May, Kanye West, Meghan Markle and Boris Johnson.
The top 15 new Christmas cracker jokes for 2018, according to Gold:
1. What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off
2. Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas? Because she’s trying to bring back Chequers
3. Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play? No prophet
4. What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence
5. When do sheep practice their new dance? While shepherds watched them floss by night
6. What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born? The stable has had some wise men in it
7. Why does Kim Kardashian hate Christmas so much? She’s always the butt of the Christmas cracker jokes
8. What is Meghan buying Harry, William and Charles for Christmas? Suits
9. Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett’s Christmas Party? She misjudged the strength of the punch
10. Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents? Because Kanye is Trump’s favourite wrapper
11. What’s the biggest complaint about Network Rail’s Christmas seasoning? They keep changing the thyme
12. Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year? Because he’s tired of being in the single market
13. What’s the only thing that goes on longer than Christmas? Harry and Meghan’s wedding preacher
14. What did Banksy serve with his Christmas turkey? Shred sauce
15. Who won the North Pole Love Island? Dani Deer
Bruce Dessau, comedy critic and head of the judging panel, said: “One thing that can be relied upon in increasingly unpredictable times is that whatever is going on in the world the great British public will always retain their sense of humour.
“From subjects ranging from Brexit and Meghan Markle to flossing and Love Island, there are jokes here to tickle the funny bones of any Yuletide grinch.
“And the joke that was chosen as number one shows it’s definitely a case of Top Trumps for Christmas this year.”
Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, said: “The festive period is a time for reflecting on the year that’s gone by and, despite the madness of 2018, it’s fantastic to see that as a country, we can still find laughter in the madness.”